I did something hugely scary for me yesterday. I signed up for my Crossfit Level 1 Certification. They don’t even give refunds anymore. This is something that I have been thinking about and hoping to do for a while. I haven’t been able to commit to a date so far because of my work schedule. Well, I am going from working 6 days a week to working 18 hours! Which is scary within itself. Now I have oodles of time to accomplish all the projects I have been dreaming about. Like the Crossfit Level 1 Certification.
What am I so afraid of? Every time I sign up for paid classes, the dialogue begins, “This better be worth it. You better get everything you can out of this. You better make it pay for itself.” Paying large sums of money for certificates and programs makes me acutely aware of the expectations and pressures that I put on myself. I keep thinking about College and how I dropped out twice and ended up with six colleges on my transcript. I’ll write about that sometime. That does not feel like success to me and I still struggle with feelings of guilt about that. I am not proud of having bounced around that much. I feel bad for my parents. And then the fear begins to raise its beautiful, dark, monstrous head.
This happened when I first signed up for Crossfit. It was on my 26 X 26 goals list to attend a basics class. I researched various gyms in the area and settled on San Francisco Crossfit because my friend, Paul, raved about Kelly Starrett. I did my two weeks of Crossfit basics training during the cold, dark, and rainy nights of February 2012 – this is relevant because until a couple of weeks ago, SFCF was still located in the Parking Lot of Dreams behind the Presidio Sports Basement.
I was stoked. I was going write, “I was hooked.” But I wasn’t hooked so much as totally pumped to be working out with so many motivated, badass individuals. So I decided to pay for some level of membership. I had hurt my knee training for a marathon and needed a way that I could maintain a high level of fitness without running a lot. Little did I know that Crossfit would change my ideas around fitness and continues to do so. I sat in front of the website, deliberating which membership to buy. I didn’t like the class packages because I knew that if I used up a 10-class pass in 2 or 3 weeks and had to pay for another one, I was likely to stop going if I was paying that frequently. Ultimately I decided to pay for an unlimited year membership. At first I totally rationalized it, telling myself that this was the cheapest and best way for me to attend SFCF. Then, after I had paid the $1800, I freaked out a little bit. I was only getting paid $8.50 and hour at my current job at the time and who knew how long I would be excited about Crossfit?! I have a tendency to get really excited about things right out of the gate and then they fizzle after some amount of time. The basic math told me that if I attended 3 classes a week on average, then I would only be paying about $12.50 per class. That’s cheap! I liked that number. I still like that number! Here I am a year later and now I can say that I am hooked on Crossfit.
Back to paying for the Level 1 Certification. I created my 27 X 27 list of goals and I have included this as one of them. I am working on defining my life on my terms and figuring out how I want to spend my time. Scott Dismore’s revolution, Live Your Legend, is helping me do just that. I purchased (ACK! Cue the dialogue!) the Live Off Your Passion E-course and have been digging deep to find out what lights me on fire. When I ask myself: What makes me feel stronger than anything in the world? I would say Crossfit (and bike touring, it’s just too good to leave out.) So in an effort to get closer to a career I am passionate about, I am taking the Crossfit Level 1 course. I am so excited! I could be a coach! I am so scared! I could be pissing away $1000 if I don’t coach! Let’s go with “I’m so excited!”
What makes you feel like a badass?
P.S. Oh yea! I also registered for the Crossfit Open. It’s going on the 27 X 27. Boo-ya.