One reason I love living in San Francisco is that it is such a hub. People travel through and come to visit this stunning city all the time. It makes me feel connected to the world on a global and on a personal level. Having lived in a fair number of cities, it is so nice to hear from friends I haven’t seen in years and to be able to meet them for a coffee, join them for dinner, or host them at my house when they come to San Francisco.
Meeting up with my good friend, Hannah, who I met at Parsons in New York City (<– blast from the past with some art photos!) was a reminder of how time and space can be irrelevant. With people of your tribe, sometimes the days that turn into years and the distance of thousands of miles can not take away from the comfort you feel around someone. I love this feeling.
Catching up face to face is priceless. Getting straight into the meaty parts of our lives we shared first hand accounts of love affairs, adventures abroad, apartment fires, kickstarter campaigns, jobs, art and future dreams. It brought me straight into the present moment. After a long day of project lists and general overwhelm, I found myself right where I needed to be. This is the fabric of life: food, warm bodies, and talk.
I had Interchange week 7 this past weekend. The focus was Deconditioning. A fun exercise that we did was writing self defining declarations. We began by brainstorming and remembering times when we felt most like ourselves. Our aim was to come up with optimistic statements versus affirmations and to describe what we do rather than what we are. Rather than typing up my notes I am going to share the first draft of what I wrote.
A self defining declaration written in 20 minutes.
“Stille Wasser sind tief” my mother says to me in German. I am as calm deep blue as the ocean, embracing ever-changing tides, weathering storms, and washing up on sandy beaches. I am fascinated by the world around me, exploring the activities and ideas that speak to my authentic self.
I am creative and optimistic in my outlook on life . I exercise this through not subscribing to clicks, but rather cultivating my own tribe of vagabonds, rabble-rousers, and misfits. “Prost!” we cheer as we clank biersteins, champagne flutes, whiskey shooters, and martini glasses. We keep it classy at our underground sweaty parties.
I choose to do things with intention: if you can’t get out of it, get into it. Act how you want to feel. Fake it till you make it over the moon and you are so high you barely know which way is up. Redefine success for yourself. I do things because they lite me up. I love myself like my life depends on it. I seek out Fun Type B because I won’t rest till I know myself inside and out.
I love fiercely. I ride my bike and feel the wind in my hair as it breaths on my neck and whispers “freedom” into my ear. I act like I may only live another year, fueled like I may live another 300. I strive to accept myself as I am today. I explore my sexual and sensual nature, knowing that in the depths of these waters are multiple orgasms: because Life is That Good. There are experiences of ecstasy and unity waiting to be had that currently may seem unimaginable.
I play because it makes me strong. I aspire to be a ninja-woman with cat-like reflexes and motivate others to celebrate their bodies through movement. Do it because it needs to be done. I am an idealist, wandering, but not lost.
Love, strength and vigor!
This is how I feel when I am in the moment, doing my best, being present.
I discovered a new mantra today. I was engaged in a counseling session (I was the client in this particular instance) and as I was telling a story to my counselor. With gusto, I described myself saying to someone “Watch me, I’m doing it!” Though the story was actually illustrating the feelings I struggle with in group settings and how to shift my experience, my counselor helped me develop a way I can do just that. She commended me on simply showing up – pursuing my interests and staying consistent – she then reflected back to me what I said and suggested I use it as my mantra.
“Watch me, I’m doin’ it!”
I’m not sure if it will stick, but it resonates with me. There is something about saying this that makes me happy. I like that it can be a bit sassy or a bit more gruff and badass. Depending on how you want to spin it. It shifts my focus from being self-conscious and critical, not only of myself but of others as well, to being more present. I am being active, I am here now, I am making the effort. One step at a time.
“Watch me, I’m doin’ it!”
Love, Strength, & Vigor!